Unsuitable Men by Pippa Wright

Author:Pippa Wright
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, General
ISBN: 9780330521727
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Published: 2012-03-02T00:00:00+00:00

20

When I was at university, my flatmate Abigail had appropriated a cricketing term to describe the sudden doubt that can hit a woman taking a man back to her house for the first time: the Corridor of Uncertainty. I had only experienced it once, long ago with Martin, but in truth I had had so little doubt that he was the right man for me that Abi said it didn’t count. From her lofty position of significantly greater experience, she claimed that the Corridor of Uncertainty was always followed by the Kitchen of Truth: the lurking doubts one had in the hallway were either blasted away by the bright strip lighting of our student kitchen (cue snogging and imminent retreat to bedroom) or magnified in its glare (cue sudden backtrack and finding of excuses to kick him out of the house). On one never-forgotten occasion Abi had waved a knife at a particularly persistent suitor after the Kitchen of Truth had spoken strongly against him, and the poor man had run away into the night in terror.

I didn’t expect I’d have to chase Malky out of the house with a knife (though remembering Abi made me mentally note the location of Auntie Lyd’s cutlery drawer just in case), but I couldn’t help a surge of panic that made my hands shake stupidly when I tried to open the door. Was I really going to sleep with someone new? With an unsuitable man I had met only once before, and randomly encountered on the street tonight? It was less than a month since I’d split up with Martin – it felt far too soon, but at the same time it felt like something I needed to do; a sign that I was moving on. Also, what underwear was I wearing? And when did I last shave my legs? These are the common fears of the Corridor of Uncertainty.

It was safe to say that of the many possible scenarios that were running through my mind when turning the key, not one concerned Mr Bits. And yet it was only a matter of seconds until he took centre stage. As the door opened Malky’s arm shot around me with such speed that I lurched forward into the hallway, my hand still attached to the key in the lock. Jesus, I thought, what had got into him all of a sudden? But rather than grabbing me in the passionate embrace I’d anticipated, Malky flew past me, entirely horizontal as he sailed over the doorstep to land heavily on the hall carpet, his outstretched hand clinging desperately to his dog’s straining lead. Gordon howled and snapped at Mr Bits, who regarded him with disgust from the safety of the stairs.

Malky stumbled to his feet, grasping at the lead, but as he did so Gordon made another frantic lunge. His lead whipped out of Malky’s hand and he flew up the stairs so fast that I thought for one insane moment Malky had actually thrown him up there.

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